It has been more than 8 weeks since my angel earned his wings. I guess/think I am doing okay. I think about my son everyday, many times a day, sometimes with such joy, sometimes with saddness, and sometimes with a feeling of injustice. I know that is normal. Although I still sometimes feel as if my life is surreal, I also know that I am getting one day closer everyday to what my form of acceptance will be. Right now I don't know that I will ever truly accept what happened only because of the injustice of it all. I know that I will come to terms with what "my plan" is from God, but right now still a bit angry. I may have mentioned before that a friend told me blogging could be very theraputic. I would have to agree. My son will be remembered forever, and this is one outlet for me to use to disuss one of the most important people in my life.
Positive Things in my life:
We are in the middle of moving... that part is not pleasant, but I am so excited!! We are building a house in Clarksville, TN and I will FINALLY have all of my possessions in one house. It has only been 3 years... I am very excited to start something new and have many things to look forward to. Our home will be 1800 sq. ft, my dog finally gets a backyard, and we will have enough room to have many friends and family come and visit. One thing I know for sure is how much I depend on my friends and family. With out them, I would be lost, and I am so very blessed.
My husband and I are happier in our marriage than we have ever been, and I know this is due to Jonathan. I was not granted the gift of life of my son, but I was granted the gift of communication and appriciation with my husband. I was granted the gift of priorities and more love from my support system than I thought imaginable. So many people have done so many very incredible things for us, and I am more grateful than ever to have "my people".
I will check in again soon. It is all a process, and I thank anyone and everyone for reading this...
All my love...
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HI. I lost my son, Maxton, to CDH in March. We lived in Nashville, TN at the time. We now live in KY. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know I will be thinking of you. Maxton made my husband and I's relationship strogner as well. Good luck on the move. Our has been stressful, but a good thing.
ReplyDeleteAshley
Tiffany, your strength that both you and Greg have to continue with such positive spirits make me think twice when I have a "bad day." I love you so much and think of Jonathan often, every Friday actually. I heard this song on the radio the other night, Greg actually called me right after I heard it. The song is He Is With You, by Mandisa...
ReplyDeleteHe is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still,
And your hearts a stone
Cryin' God, what'd You do that for
He is with you
There's a time for yes
And a time for no
There's a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There is a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
He is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you
We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space
And you feel alone
And you're worried if you
got it right or wrong
Yes He is with you
when you've given up on ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you
When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you
Thinking of you and your family. Best wishes for a smooth transition to TN for all of you. Many continued prayers for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you,
Tracy