Life is never as one would expect, especially that of a mother that loses a child. I still don't know which way is up, but I am hoping as time progresses I will learn to except that feeling. I am not sure at what point, if ever, if it will go away so to speak. I have surrounded myself with those I love in the past several weeks and to those people I am grateful. I am reminded everyday how blessed I really am, but I am trying to learn how to deal with the empty place that is in my heart. I do know that there are good moments and bad, but I try to stay balanced in the fact that I do not allow myself to get so wrapped up in my sadness that I lose focus of what is really important. I understand that at this point I don't have to know what the future holds, but I do know that I am looking forward to tomorrow and what it will bring. Everyday is a challenge, but one that as I face it, it seems to be something in which I can accomplish. A plan such as this is not one in which is to be understood, but I stand in my faith that it is a plan in which in mine. I look upon my life and I try to at least comprehend that my life has been laid before me in order to prepare me for my current suffering. I know that the future will hold great things for me and my family and that today is one more day closer to feeling a sense of peace I hope. I know my son is in an amazing place and I also know that his impact on others is greater than what some accomplish in an entire lifetime. I can only hope to be so great and honor not only him but those in his situation.