Life as I know it...

So, here I am, settling down in TN, and today was really rough. I had to partially unpack Jonathan's things, and at one point I ended up balling in "my room" by myself. My husband of course knew something was wrong, and I cried again. Today, I cried because my daughter will be an only sibling because we have decided for now to not try again. I am on board with this decision, but as a mother my heart aches. Another mother can understand this. I know father's do too, but in a different way. My therapist told me not to keep stuff in boxes, and that she rather have me give it away (in my own time of course) than keep it in storage. I am building my courage to that. I have so many really wonderful things that I imagined when I bought them, that would go to subsequent children. I am keeping some for the wonderful babies I will eventually love to invite into my home.

Today, I went to our insurance company and they said we had two dependants. I had to tell the woman that our son had passed. It is days like today that remind me how fresh and real my pain is.

On a positive note, my husband and I are closer than ever, and he even sent me a dozen roses today. I was ready to tell the world to go "somewhere" and he brightened my day. I am reminded everyday the blessings my son delivered to my family. I prayed everyday for a miracle... I received something I didn't expect...

Love to all that support me still...

XOXO