So here I am tonight, another snow day on my hands... had a great day, started painting my "sunshine room".... a room I am making yellow..... The only reason I wanted to make it yellow was because of J.... yet there is still this amazing emptiness inside of me... Well of course there is I tell myself.... J is not here, hubby is gone, the holiday's rocked my world, and I am yet to feel complete.... Is that too much to ask?? I don't think so. The holiday's rocked me because people that I thought that would know me the best, knew me the least.... that sucked.... then I came home to being alone again. Not to be ungrateful for the things that happened in between, but, come on now....
So, again, here I am again tonight, another snow day on my hands, one of my very besties made me an amazing video that I watch... and when I watch it, not like once or twice, I watch it like ten times at least, but then don't watch it for weeks... sorry, it is a video of the pictures of J when he was born. It is so well thought out, it is so amazing. It makes me think individually about each moment captured.....
SO that leads me to my next point....... not all of the people in those photos do I share my life with anymore. More do I than not, but those that I look at especially those super close to my heart and I wonder, what are you doing?????? I have learned a lot, I have had more of an opinion about a lot, but really??? I believe I was not wrong in any decisions that I have made about certain individuals, and in the end I have to believe it is the legacy that my son brought that allowed me to find myself in being comfortable in even voicing my opinion as I have.
The moral is this.. Love Never Fails.... I trust in this.... I have too.... My son taught me sooo many lessons in such a short time, but those lessons I will not forget, nor will I go back on what I believe due to my hardship..... Live with me now is all I ask.... if only it were that simple for some.
All my love and blessings to those who continue to read.....
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Love the idea of the "sunshine room"! Yellow is perfect. I live in a yellow house, just because it is a feeling of being surrounded by love. I hope Jonathan's spirit is around you every day, constantly wrapping his mom in unconditional love. Much love to you during this difficult time.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))),
Tracy