I had started a post last Thursday after visiting the doctor's due to the fact I knew something was going on. As most know it is because Jonathan was ready to make his entrance. Friday August 14th, 2009 my water broke. For a family that knows they will be losing their child upon that event, when it happened I was still in denial. We rushed to the hospital and the events started to unfold rather quickly. Greg was still in GA and I was scared that I would have our son and my husband was not going to be there. I had prayed to God like no other prayer to deliver us a miracle on the day my son was born. Although the miracle I thought I was asking for was for my son, God granted it to my husand and myself... Greg walked through the door, still in uniform 10 minutes before our Angel was brought into this world. The family, friends and staff at the hospital had been amazing, but seeing my husbands face put a whole new understanding of what this event meant for us.
Jonathan was delivered at 5:29, a head full of black hair, weighing in at 5 lbs 1 oz. He was perfect! He looked just like his daddy, long and skinny... long feet, toes, hands and fingers. The exact moment the doctor put him on my belly will forever be etched into my memory. My brave little warrior tried so desperatly to take a breath, but with no lungs to support his attempt. When he did try to take a breath I would just cuddle him close and tell it was okay and that mommy was right there. This too will forever be etched into my memory. When you fight so hard for your child while in the womb to have every chance, and then to have to not only decide that it is best to let him pass, and then watch as he slowly fades, it is an event no mother should have to endure.
Jonathan was surrounded by family that loved him so dearly during his very short stay. Everyone got a turn to hold and kiss him while he was here, and within the hour our angel had earned his wings. I knew that he was in heaven, and I told him that his Pappaw was there waiting to hold him. We had baptized Jonathan immediatly after birth, and I tried to comfort my son as any mother could while he faded from our world and into the next.
I had contacted a photographer from NILMDTS(Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep)- and organization that takes photos gratis for families like ours. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. She was compassionate, respectful, just plain wonderful. She took the most amazing pictures of our son and gave us lasting memories for an event that took place in just a few short hours. I will forever cherish those photos and be forever grateful to an organization that provides such a wonderful service.
I wanted to update our blog in order to let everyone know that I am hanging in there. I suspect I will be updating this page as the weeks unfold more for a place to share how I am doing/feeling.
Again, I appricate so much the prayers and thoughts of so many... so many in which I didn't even know existed. Without you all, this journey would have been harder. Our love to you all.
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(((HUGS))) Tiffany. I am happy you and your son were surrounded by family, especially your husband, and were able to comfort Jonathan in his time on this earth. I can't imagine what you are going through, for I have not walked in your shoes. I will always lend an ear, if you want to talk and we can talk about anything. The NILMDTS organization is very caring and you will have these photos for a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteI pray for continued peace and comfort for your family. Much love to you, Tracy
Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteI know all to well what you are going through. Hang in there ! The emotions of losing your sweet Jonathan will be all over the place. Just roll with them. Dont be afraid to let each and every one of them be expressed no matter what anyone else thinks. If you need to talk I am here.
I also Pray for the continued peace and comfort of your family
burtnchristy@aol.com
Christy Michel
mommy to
Drake Alexander Michel
2-18-09 to 4-6-09
I wondered who took the photo's, they were absolutely beautiful. Someone else had told me about that organization but I never got a chance to pass the information along to you. I'm so glad you found them, what a special keepsake that you will always have. I imagine they're hard to look at now but down the road I'm sure they will be a comfort to you.
ReplyDeleteI still think of you daily and hope that each day gets a little easier. I cannot imagine what you are going through. All I can compare it to is my miscarriages and how sad I was. But even that is not comparable to the pain of holding your child and watching him slip away. I continue to pray for you, Greg, and the rest of your family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. If you're up for it I'd love to get the kids together before you leave Ohio. Take care of yourself! Jaime