I have been contemplating for the past week how to word this blog entry. I wish that I had different news to share, but unfortunately, my life and the decision we have had to make is one that is becoming more of a reality each day. After meeting with the amazing docs in Cincy, talking with my Priest, Counselor, Family and close friends, I am ready to say what is soon becoming my reality. After much soul searching, praying, crying and such, Greg and I have decided that after our son Jonathan is born we will be offering him comfort care until God takes him home. When reading this, I mostly feel numb; a feeling that I have come to know much of lately. I spoke with the coordinator in Cincy, and the team there understands our decision and back us due to the devastating conclusions of our MRI last week. Jonathan has only 10% lung volume, due to his heart, stomach, bowel, gallbladder and liver taking up his entire chest. This is an evaluation that has not changed since week 24. ( I am 35 weeks now.) Greg and I feel that no matter what life support machines or drugs are available, our son would suffer unnecessarily and we want our son to peacefully leave us as it seems it has been determined. CDH is not something that could have been prevented, it is not something that we did wrong, or that when this severe, it can not be fixed with any "normal" means.
I have started to make arrangements for his funeral and burial; something that is so unthinkable when you are pregnant with a child. It is so devastating to know that this is where we are headed after such a long journey, but somethings are our of our human hands. I know that God has a plan, and I am trying so very hard to faithfully accept our fate. I am very angry at this situation, and I have to take it one hour at a time every single day. I try and remember my blessings at a time when I can feel so very hopeless. I know that God gave me Samantha first for a reason, and her life is my sunshine.
As I continue on this journey I will continue to update this post to let people know how we are. This is such a real journey, and if nothing else, I want others to walk away after reading it knowing they are not alone when they are faced with decisions and situations out of their control.
There is an amazing organization that if interested, one can look into in order to learn more about CDH: www.cdhsupport.org. (CHERUBS) When the time comes for us to say goodbye to our angel, I am asking that instead of flowers, a donation be sent to this organization in order to assist other parents in their journey, research and the such. If only we knew more about this condition. Perhaps then we could have been approved for tracheal occlusion; a procedure that perhaps would have allowed Jonathan's lung to grow and keep some of the organs from herniating. CDH is a condition that affects so many families, and until my son was diagnosed, I didn't even know what it was. Now it has changed my life forever. I am so sad to have to write this, face this, live this. But, as I have said, I am trying to trust that the plan that is laid before me is so much bigger than my own understanding. The faith of understanding one day my suffering is one thing that keeps me going.

We appreciate our family and friends for their continued prayers, thoughts, and kind words. I know too well how in a time like this it is hard to find the right things to say, but know this: We appriciate you all so very much, and without you all it would be even more impossible to get through this. Our love to you all.